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Road to self Discovery

Most people ignore the road to self-discovery. Countless people avoid this path simply running to many other things. Some of these folks have invested their lives into discoveries and inventions that have changed the world, but have not explored the deeper aspects of themselves.

How many relationships have you encountered where the other person was not available, not listening or just ran away in one manner or another when difficult times transpired? If you do not explore who you are and go to deeper depths, how can you be available for others?

Many sources will tell you to find your purpose, and everything will fall into place.  For me, to truly find my purpose is to really dig down deep, past all the layers of suppressed hurts and pains.  And, discover perhaps for the first time, which I am, what drives me and to recognize the façade I created to fit in.

We all have been blessed with unique qualities, gifts and talents.  Trying to be something you are not, hasn’t really worked for you – has it?   Some would argue that the success they achieved in the business world was the trade off to achieve some type of security.  As we found our way in the world, we observed our family and were programmed on how to give and get love, and how to behave in the world.  The ‘be seen and not heard’ thing.

As we grew up, we became confused by the voices inside of us with our dreams, goals and missions to help others and truly be happy. Those voices of our past keep repeating that it is not good enough, you’ll never make enough money at that; or, you can’t be chasing those dreams, you have other obligations.

So we wind up swallowing our dreams, hopes and eventually our entire being.  We settle for what we were told by others whom probably had their dreams crushed as well.  Gone are the days of our forefathers who only knew to work for someone else to gather a check and eek out a living.  In these times people of vision and passion will create the new world.  Entrepreneurs will and have been the stimulus in economic recovery.

To truly find yourself is no longer a luxury of the rich and famous, or a spiritual quest of meditating in a cave or mountaintop.  In order to thrive in the world and to continue to make it better for every life we touch, we must take a journey of self-discovery and see who we are, determine which of the old rules no longer fit and create new ones that will move us forward.

In discovering our true self, we will find a joy and lightness—which will probably feel pretty strange to many.  When we have this happiness and know what we are supposed to do and are able to assist others, we can then truly fly with freedom.

I invite you to work with me, so I can assist you in discovering your true self, and how together we will create a new you full of purpose and joy.

Invest in yourself!  Sign up now — Receive private coaching at group coaching rates.

 

Are You Not Being Heard?

Are You Not Being Heard

Building Better Relationships is essential in all areas of your life, starting with yourself, your partner, family, prospects and customers, teams and community.

First, relationships start with ourselves. When we master that relationship,
we then can broaden and expand our relationships with others. One of the biggest enhancements for relationship building is attention and availability, help others be their best, while maintaining your best.

What is the most effective tool for relationship building? Be an effective listener.

Years ago I learned Reflective Listening from Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.,
a Clinical Pastoral Counselor who is known internationally for his work with couples. This method is also known as Imago Relationship Therapy, “Conscious Partnership”. Immediately I knew that it was valid, worthwhile and valuable, one of the best resources for Building Better Relationships, not just with your partner but in all areas of your life.  

LISTENINGEffective tools for listening are first and foremost staying focused on the other person, listen attentively. A critical aspect is to listen without reacting to the other person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions and body language. It is important to stay non-reactive, and not take things personally. Essentially reflect back what you heard, never try to fix the problem. However, you can lead with questions. The emphasis also should be on validation, and providing understanding and empathy. Importantly, wound bounding is a very ineffective way to connect with people. Although the initial intention may be to share understanding and empathy, it conveys a message of self-importance. It alienates the other person, and often leads to frustration that they are not being heard. Wound bounding takes away from the other person’s hurts and pains, and delays the healing process.

Although Reflective Listening may feel unfamiliar and even challenging when you first initiate the process, after time it will become familiar and welcomed in your relationships. Remember listening is a learned skill. It is vital that the other person knows they matter and feel recognized.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn notably said “Be so busy giving recognition that you don’t need it.” I have learned over time to replace the word, ‘recognition’ with anything else whether it is love or respect, etc.

Put the needs of others first by loving them, and recognizing and validating them first, and you will be amazed at how much will come back to you. It will be even more than what you expect. That is the ‘Golden Key’ to ‘Give First’, love them the way they want to be loved, and then you will wind up getting back all that you wanted and more.

These three words are vital: Give, Give, Give. Focus on the needs of others. It is far more important to understand their needs before you share your needs. By giving unconditionally the Universe will see to your compensation from unexpected people, in unexpected places, at unexpected times.

Platinum RuleOften people express that we should love by the Golden Rule. I prefer to embrace the Platinum Rule. Everybody knows the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule states ‘we should do onto others as we would do onto ourselves’. Whereas, the Platinum Rule states ‘we should do onto others as they would do onto themselves’. If I loved you the way I want to be loved, it is not going to fulfill your needs.

Although I have mentioned this story previously, it still is a perfect illustration of loving someone by the Golden Rule.  This story is one that was conveyed to me by my first coach. He received a phone call from his wife one day. She said, “Meet me downtown.” And, he said, “Why?” She said, “Just meet me downtown.” So, he met her downtown and they were on the corner, and he said, “What’s going on? Why are we here?” She stated, “Just follow me.” They go in the building, into an elevator, and get off at a marriage counselor’s office. And, he looked at his wife, and stated, “Why are we here?” She still said nothing. They get into the counselor’s office. The counselor asked, “Why are you here?” Now she finally opened up and expressed, “Well, he doesn’t love me!” He voiced, “What do you mean I do not love you?!!! I hug you all of the time.” She looked at her husband and conveyed, “But, you never say the words.” In his culture, his family hugged as an expression of love. Throughout their entire relationship she felt unloved, because her family expressed love with words. She needed to hear the words, I Love You. And, he never said those words. So, even though he loves her, and feels great about their relationship, she feels he doesn’t love her because he hasn’t expressed it verbally.

5 Love LanguagesImportantly, if you learn each other’s love languages – how they best respond to love, how they feel loved – you will create a healthy, loving relationship. Gary Chapman wrote an excellent book called ‘The Five Love Languages’. Everybody has five primary needs in love: receiving gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time.

The key aspect here is to listen with Reflective Listening and the other person’s Love Language. All these insights can be applied to more than your personal relationship, to all areas of your life, both personal and business.

Here are the Keys to Building Better Relationships:

  • Help others be their best, while maintaining your best.
  • Be an effective listener.
  • Stay focused on the other person, listen attentively.
  • Listen without reacting to the other person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions and body language.
  • Reflect back what you heard, never try to fix the problem.
  • You can lead with questions.
  • Validate, provide understanding and empathy.
  • Never use wound bounding as a way to connect with people.
  • Put the needs of others first by loving them, and recognizing and validating them.
  • Love them the way they want to be loved.
  • Give unconditionally.
  • Express love by the Platinum Rule.
  • Learn each other’s love languages.

The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen ~ Roy Moody

Whether you need help in your personal life or in your business, I can help you with the one thing that you can change today to improve you or your business. Sign up for a 30-Minute Strategy Session Call for $25, valued at $100.

 

Who couldn’t use more of both Success and Wealth in their lives

Your business success is closely related to your capability to network your business for growth.

Business and Social Networking . . . is much, much more than simply showing up and shaking a lot of hands, gathering up business cards, collecting followers and attempting to get someone to buy your services or product.

Successful networking is about learning how to ‘work’ the art of networking, not just seeing how things will work out.

37 keys to networking cover for free eBook pageMy eBook, 37 Keys to Better Networking Relationships: The Art of Networking, is a guide to assist both the new as well as the seasoned networker to have even better experiences at all of their networking events. Over the years I have seen and experienced many of the mistakes some networkers make in trying to connect, to get you to buy their stuff. My focus on Giving instead of Getting sets the stage for you to be your authentic self, and to learn from others or perhaps become aware of some of the errors you are making in your networking efforts, as the cause for your limited results.

Read what Bob Burg, coauthor of The Go-Giver and author of Endless Referrals had to say about Gary’s 37 Keys to Better Networking Relationships:

“Terrific. Filled with nuggets of Networking Gold. Follow Gary’s advice and you’ll find Networking to be a very gratifying and profitable aspect of your business!” ~Bob Burg

Click here to become a better networker and to receive my free eBook: 37 Keys to Better Networking Relationships: The Art of Networking eBook, $ 97 VALUE.

These Networking Keys are simple, but not always easy to implement – practice, practice, practice.

Don’t get overwhelmed with the number of great Networking Keys in this eBook. Pick a couple at a time to work on and perfect, and then add a couple more. In time you will be the Master of Your Networking World.

I would enjoy hearing from you about your experiences, and to learn what you liked best and have put into action.

Schedule a strategy session to develop your best networking plan.

 

How to Find Your Best Followers

I love to help new clients discover how to create connections and conversations on Twitter. There are enormous possibilities. Most ‘newbie’s’ on Twitter get overwhelmed with all the conversation or broadcasting that fills up in their Twitter stream. The first step is having fun with the engagement.

Imagine that Twitter or any other social media platform is a huge networking event. For your best success, connect with people who have similar interests in what you would like to share. Those interests are certainly not limited to the product or service you are offering. It is probably very rare for people in your current audience to be looking for your service. Occasionally people do make that request – but, how are you going to find them?

We’ll get back to that shortly. The odds are reasonably small that this will happen and turn into a sale for you right away.

In working with a couple of new clients with specialized niches, we looked for people that the clients could connect with. The most effective tool to find both potential prospects and other people offering a similar service is the ‘Search Box’ on Twitter. This search box is a powerful Google type engine. Type in the keywords you are looking for, and you’ll get both a list of people who have those terms in their bios, as well as those who have used any of the terms in a tweet.

learn from your ‘competition’, and duplicate their best practicesIf you are new to Twitter with a specific niche, I believe it is in your best interest to watch and learn from your ‘competition’, and duplicate their best practices and find ways to enhance your presence by providing what they are not.

In creating a conversation with people posting a question related to the terms you are using, please do not start out your conversation with a pitch. No one likes the guy at the networking event who runs into you, and pushes his or her card in your hand, making some claim or promise. My suggestion is to take some time and connect with that new person. You already know that there is some level of interest, but you want to create a relationship that goes far beyond a single sale.  Perhaps truly connecting with them will create a long-term customer, and better yet, a referral source.

 

 

 

 

 

 

By being specific with your search term, it will provide targeted results. Use “quotation marks” around the word or words. A search for Belly Dance will bring up all recent tweets with the words Belly and Dance.  But a search of “Belly Dance” will generate a much more targeted conversation.

The ‘Search Box’ on Twitter is the best place to begin your search. There are other directories where people can list themselves within categories, which generally are people who want to be found by prospects.

Hope you find all the conversations you are searching for, and locate new friends, connections, ambassadors, and clients.

I am grateful for the generous comments I have already received on how to Master The Twitterverse . . . how it has helped to increase their following and enhance the ease of using Twitter.  I would be honored, if you would share your experiences, and what you liked best about the eBook on my site.

If you haven’t read my free eBook, receive your copy here. Please feel free to email me any of your comments: Gary@GaryLoper.com

Watch my video on Frequently Asked Questions About Twitter.

Interested in One-on-One Twitter Consulting? Check out my packages.

 

How Can You Organically Attract Followers on Twitter

  1. Establish your expert status. You will become the ‘Go To’ person for your community.
  2. Use link shorteners, great headlines that grab attention and foremost high
    quality information.
  3. Stay within your area of knowledge and purpose.
  4. Introduce yourself to influencers.
  5. Engage in conversations, use #hashtags, searches and chats.
  6. Engagement is most important.

DO . . .

  • Help your followers achieve their goals.
  • Read your follower’s timeline.
  • Reply to Mentions and Direct Messages (DM) within 24 hours.
  • BE Honest. BE Attentive.
  • BE Active. BE a Resource.
  • BE Inspirational. BE Informative.
  • BE sure to mention your Twitter account everywhere.
  • List yourself on Twitter directories.
  • Use Hashtags.

DON’T . . .

  • Talk about everything you do.
  • Tell everyone, everywhere you go.
  • Talk about yourself all the time.
  • Flood your tweet stream.
  • Tweet too many messages over a short period of time.
  • Use Twitter as IM –instant messaging.
  • Use applications that use your accounts to invite people via DM to your mafia family, or use other phishing.
  • Sell all the time.
  • Get a big head.
  • Send lists of names with no explanation.
  • RT someone else’s list of names or #Follow mentions.
  • Be argumentative.
  • Tweet while intoxicated.
  • Beg for a following.
  • Think about Followers. Instead think of your valued audience.

Some of My #TwitterTips . . .

#TwitterTip: Always check your links or person’s link before you RT

#TwitterTip: Always use a URL shortening service to prevent your URLs being broken on RT

#TwitterTip: Compliment at least 1 person everyday on Twitter
(there’s always something nice to say about everyone)

#TwitterTip: Never belittle another tweeter. If you do, you risk offending all of
their followers too

#TwitterTip: Following back is a choice not an obligation or courtesy

#TwitterTip: Never forget those who helped ypu get to the top. Once at the top, reach back and help the next person up

#TwitterTip: In the beginning it is best to become a great follower 1st, find your voice, add value, engage & followers will flock to you

#TwitterTip: It takes 1000 tweets to build a reputation on Twitter, and only 1 to ruin it. Be careful what you tweet

#TwitterTip: Smile when you Tweet. Tweople can tell

Need help with how to be effective on Twitter? Schedule some time to discuss your plan to be an effective tweeter.

Know your direction, already active on Twitter, but simply need someone to post motivational tweets, check out my low-cost monthly program and other services, Twitter Management Posting Program: Tweet 4 U.

Twitter is all about relationship building. It’s about building your market, creating that know, like, and trust feeling and developing a community network, so that when you do have your products and services, you have people that are invested in you. This is truly relationship marketing and not a quick fix … they purchase ‘stuff’
and then they are gone.

So, if you are going to design it, you need to build it up for the long run, and grow a long-term clientele. It is important to develop strategies to achieve your goals. The days of 2 – 6 touches are long gone. That strategy simply doesn’t work. It now takes about 20 impressions or more to create that buying decision. Also, remember not everyone will buy from you.

The most successful way to build relationships on Twitter is to be an effective tweeter. As mentioned in previous blogs, the best ways I’ve discovered can be expressed by envisioning each of your tweets to contain at least one of the following elements, the 4E’s: Entertain, Educate, Enhance and Engage on Twitter. Look for opportunities to impact people’s lives. It’s never crowded along the extra mile. It’s not about you, so Ditch the Pitch.

So, why is Twitter the ideal platform?

The reason I love Twitter over all the other social networking is because there are NO Gatekeepers – you can follow anyone you like, have a conversation with anyone who is willing to chat back with you. Deepak, Neale Donald Walsch, T Harv and Richard Bach – all reached out to me from messages I shared. Not trying to impress you – but rather impress upon you that thought leaders, authors, speakers, celebs are more easily accessible on Twitter than anywhere else. Who would you like to Tweet with? The Twitterverse is waiting for you.

Also, other sites have the permission system, which reminds us of some of those exclusive clubs where you were vetted, inspected, dissected and eventually neglected, not Twitter.

TWITTER BIRD with garys websiteOn Twitter there is no opt in or friend request to gather their information to send them an email or another offer. On Twitter there are massive opportunities to create connections with your growing audience, and expand the relationship to a phone or Skype call or in person meeting.

Importantly, before you start on Twitter keeping a consistent brand is vital. It is critical that your profile is complete. The profile is the Twitter version of your business card. When someone clicks on your tweet in their tweet stream it will immediately take them to your Twitter page. Your profile is the 1st thing they will see. Research has shown that within 4 to 10 seconds that visitor will decide if they will stay or go.

In that short time you need to convey who you are, what you do, why you’re an expert, and what do you want them to do next or where can they find out more
about you.

You wear a nametag when you go to networking events. Your profile is your name tag or business card, and creates an opportunity for people to ask or comment on your profile. Your profile is indexable by the search engine, and should contain the same key words you’ve chosen for you website. Remember to share your services or passions.

What is a great advantage of Twitter?

 

Every person is the Gatekeeper for everybody they know. There are countless conversations going on at the same time, and the same is true in your Twitterverse.  Of the large number of followers you will attract only a small percentage of those will be reaching out or engaging with you. Focus on connecting with those people already showing some interest in you. Always remember that everyone we meet is the Gatekeeper for everyone they know.

Twitter has been around for a while now and there are probably already several thought leaders in every niche imaginable.  Searching in Twitter will help you locate those people who already have an audience of people you share your interests or may eventually be interested in what services you have to offer.  Engaging and RTing these leaders and the most active people in those conversations will help establish you, as someone to take notice of.

It is very important to realize that making money or selling to people should not
be your primary purpose. The main component of social media and networking
is being social, creating relationships that can turn followers into fans into brand ambassadors into referring or joint partners and customers.

Spend the time to build a relationship and develop a community. Have a safe place for people to come. If they buy from you one time, there is probably a good chance they will continue to buy from you, as long as you come from a place of service and help them solve their problems.

Learn the 4 E’s of Effective Tweeting.

 

Mistake # 1: Bad Photo

Add a high quality, current and professional photo, 300 dpi, full color image.

Mistake #2: Print Is Too Small

If your potential customer is over 40, and you are using less than 12 point font on your contact information then they will lose interest.

Mistake # 3: All the Info Has The Same Font Size

Use bigger type on important information, and get a shorter email address/website link. Include capital letters with each word in the longtail link.

Mistake # 4: Text Is Too Wordy

Be certain to have clear and concise text and information.

Mistake # 5: No Benefit Statement

The only one that cares about your name, or the name of your company is you. People want to know what you will do for them. It’s all about them!

Mistake # 6: You Haven’t Conveyed How You Will Solve Their Problem

The first thing they should see is something that will solve their problem.

Mistake # 7: Too Much Information

Choose one email address. Create curiosity. The purpose of the card is to invite them to connect with you, not to be an entire sales process without you talking with them.

Mistake # 8: Sharing All Your Phone Numbers

It sings out that you are desperate or hard to get a hold of, and you are willing to take calls anytime.

Mistake # 9: Set And Maintain Your Personal Boundaries

Some people will take advantage of your 24/7 availability.

Mistake # 10: Missing Social Media Contact

I must convey how important this aspect is, after all, I am a Twitter Expert. Adding your social media contact is vital to building and developing relationships. Once you are connected, it will be a tool not just to create a sale or build possible business ventures, JVs, collaborative efforts; but importantly, you can be a resource to give recommendations. If you cannot help them solve their problem, you can be the go-to person to connect them with the right person who can help them with their business.

Bonus Tip #1: Not Enough Or Confusing Information

Keep it simple is a great adage. But, if your prospect cannot figure out what you do, they will not contact. Use simple terms a 5th grader or 80-year old grandma will easily comprehend.

Bonus Tip #2: Not Using Your Card To Get Their Card

People are generally well meaning, and may take your card only to be polite. They may even have an interest in calling you, but either will lose the card, or get caught up in their lives and forget, or perhaps someone else came into their lives providing them the same service.

It’s been said with good reason: The fortune is in the follow up. Asking for their card puts you in the driver seat, and gives you permission to contact them.

You may be interested in listening to: “How to Use Social Media to Serve Us and Others Better”.

Lori Peters, host of The Happiness Hangout on BBS Radio interviewed Gary about how to use Twitter effectively while serving others.

Topics of Discussion:

~ The Overwhelm Factor
~ Positive Ways to Use Twitter
~ Strategies & Successes
~ And, much more!

Listen here.

 

Often I am asked how I discovered my path to success. It was a process, an accumulation of dedication, completion, observation and expansion. Everything I had accomplished began to unfold. I took from every experience what worked and what didn’t. From there I connected to what felt good. Over time I recognized my gifts and skills, and some of my biggest recognitions. I realized I was a teacher. It was a continual learning process, one that emerged from every single experience. You must always be learning. When you are living as a teacher and student, you are continually growing.

With success, it is subjective. Everyone has a different definition for success. I identified what success felt like by listening to and identifying my gifts. First I recognized that I had gifts, and then other people began to recognize that I had something of value to offer. It is important that you identify what success means to you, on all levels.

Have you discovered your path to success?
How are you being recognized and compensated?

Once you discover your path to success, the key is to live with authenticity. I worked at some corporate jobs. I needed to know who I was, how I thrived, how I could not be a little fish in a big pond. So, when I became more in touch with my authentic self, I was led to do the things that made me happy. I was able to share and then began to receive their gratitude, which made me happy. That in itself gave me a lot of freedom from my own personal issues and emotional blocks. It set me free. By doing things that made other people happy, it gave me a lot of freedom from the emotional issues that were unfulfilled.

I SIMPLY AM

I realized then that I had been living my life with the thought that I needed to receive approval from others. I began to recognize: Why am I living my life to make other people happy?

That is when I started to look at how it was time to start living for ‘me’, to accomplish my goals and learn how to protect my dreams and goals from people who did not or could not support me.

 

~ Are you living an authentic life?
~ Is your life full and rich, filled with happiness?
~ Are you always looking for approval?
~ Are you on a path to success and find happiness elusive?
~ What does success and happiness mean to you?

First you must get clarity. When you are starting out you may not truly know where you are going, but you have to get started. With each step your path and purpose will begin to unfold with every new experience. Also, it is essential that you write in a gratitude journal, to have focus and consistent thoughts, and to celebrate the small victories.

If you are elusive, your thoughts will be inconsistent or your expectations may be unrealistic, one of perfectionism. This is where you have to chunk things down into smaller things. Celebrate the small successes. If you are looking at the whole elephant and that is your only model to success, you will miss a lot along the way.

It is especially beneficial to work with a coach or accountability partner, someone who is dedicated, who will help you find and achieve that success.

I invite you to work with me, and assist you in discovering your true self, and how together we will create a new ‘you’ full of purpose and joy.

Invest in yourself!  Sign up now —  Sign up now — Receive private coaching at group coaching rates.

 

Chaos Creates Change

So many people are complaining about how bad last year was (insert pretty much any last year). You are still holding the vibration of a bad year in your mind, and your dominant thought will create the same.

On New Year’s Eve when we watch so many people in Times Square so fervently counting down to a new beginning, you can see that many believe that it is an opportunity that only happens once a year. We can begin anew anytime we want.
We are in control of our clocks and calendars. 

We can only grow amidst chaos. Something has to go wrong or be upsetting enough for us to realize we need to make a change, because we are not in alignment with the results. If everything were all sunshine and balloons all the time, we would not experience the contrast of what we do not want to discover, what it is we truly desire. 

In the middle of chaos, I have noticed that many people poke holes in themselves, looking to be perfect. I am not sure where the perfectionism mentality comes from, thinking that everything we do has to be perfect from the beginning. Did we stop trying to walk when we first landed on our butt? Or, did we stop trying to walk with the countless times we persisted until we mastered this walking thing? When we give ourselves permission to try something, and if the results do not work out as we would like, then we can adjust and try again. Edison found over 10,000 ways not to make the light bulb. We certainly can try a couple more times, and disregard the dream stealers who think they are being brutally honest, but are really more interested in being brutal.

Keep growing, the path is not always straight or smooth, but the rewards are living your truth and rising up where many others crumble.

Remember, you can’t be your best until you uncover whom you are and where you want to go.

You also may be interested in reading my blog, Being Overwhelmed Is A Choice.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, a Strategy Session will help you with the one thing that can change today to improve you or your business. For more information, click here.