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Know Your Fears

What Lies Within You - Afraid to Fail

Years ago I experienced deep emotions, unaware of its impact and weight.
I was absolutely afraid of failure. Deep inside a voice was telling me that I would not be loved if I failed. Growing up I had a strong desire to receive endless
love and support. I never felt I received that support. Because I did not see it,
I continued to feel that I needed to be and do better the next time. Part of the family patterns that surrounded me was rarely displayed, anyone admitting a mistake, even years afterwards – in spite of the results. So, my programming was set, always strive to be the best, but never receiving the rewards. And, even when a mistake or undesired results happened, do not admit it to anyone. Years of trying to get everything lined up to be perfect handcuffed me, until I shifted my mindset.

The old saying of getting your ducks in a row seemed to fit. The trouble is . . . what is the probability of getting ducks in a row?  Even if you can, they probably will not stay there for long. So,the cycle continued and nothing was achieved.

Over the years I attended countless motivational, business, and spiritual events that left me charged up on one level, but I would be kicking myself on the inside. I felt that I could have done a better job presenting the material. But, I did not allow myself the opportunity to be visible, put myself out there, for fear that it would not be perfect.

Butterfly is beautiful and free of the cocoon

There came a time when the caterpillar could no longer stay as is and struggled to become what it knew itself to be. Finally the butterfly is beautiful and free of the cocoon.

In recent years I have taken opportunities, starting out with small steps, in which I built up my self-confidence and let go of perfectionism.  I began to take on bigger challenges and stages.

What lies within you that eats you up? Knowing that if your passion was left unfulfilled, how would it affect the rest of your life?

If you can’t make a mistake, you can’t make anything. ~ Marva Collins

 

yes-energy-makes-life-more-livable

There are some individuals who cannot say ‘yes’ to anything without repeatedly questioning their lives. Some have been doing it for so long that it feels unnatural not to issue a poll on even the smallest decision. As a result, what they see as slow, methodical, decision making is actually costing them opportunities and financial rewards. They will question everything before making a decision. They may eventually say ‘yes’, but at what cost. They may even lose the opportunity.

It is the exact opposite of Yes! Energy. It’s a limitation! We have all met someone like that, or we may even identify that quality in ourselves at one time or another. This constant polling results in one thing, regret. It’s the . . .  “I should have, could have, would have, if only” conversation that comes from a consistent pattern of saying ‘no’.

Do you want to live a life of regret?  Opportunities will pass you by, if you get suck in the cycle of ‘maybe’.

When you embrace your Yes! Energy, you will be surprised at how more livable life will become.  Instead of fighting the current, you start to go with the flow.  Life is an exciting journey, so start saying ‘yes!’

Start turning your life around.  Sign up for personal coaching at group coaching rates!

You can invest in yourself and your business now to reshape your financial landscape, and do something positive for your own economy.

Still think you can do it all by yourself?  How has that worked out for you, so far?

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 AHA Moments Part 3 - There is a freedom when you do not take it personally

In the bestselling book the ‘Four Agreements’, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about four life changing agreements that will dramatically change your life, if you choose to embrace and practice them every day.

In the 2nd agreement ‘Don’t Take It Personally’, it is a vital decree that each person needs to subscribe to. Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally!

Here is a great story for entrepreneurs, one that gives clarity and offers understanding to Don Miguel Ruiz’s words, ‘Don’t Take It Personally’. In a restaurant, the waiter and waitress staff typically will walk around offering
new coffee. If you want a refill or topped off, you say ‘yes’. If not, they are not personally affected by your response and they go on.

With that analogy, if we realize that as entrepreneurs we are serving coffee, looking for people who want to drink the coffee and recognize that not everyone wants it
or they don’t want it right now. That doesn’t mean they will not want it later.
Have that same mentality as the waiter or waitress. They are not taking it personally. They are providing service. If you like it, here it is. If not, okay then we will move on to the next.

As an entrepreneur I have embraced that philosophy and outlook, which has allowed me to create a positive mindset instead of taking everything in life personally.

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” ~ Frances Hodgson Burnett

In recent years, my proudest entrepreneurial moment emerged while working with Eric Lofholm, renowned sales trainer who previously worked with Tony Robbins. Eric has a great philosophy, belief system and energy. While working through his program, I assisted and coached Eric on Twitter. One of the proudest moments I
had was when he publicly validated me to all of his protégés. During his podcasts
he would constantly ‘shout me out’ on how I helped him with Twitter.

Throughout my life I longed for that form of recognition. I had a strong desire that some ‘super star’ of a higher stature and business success would recognize and validate me, and share my gifts with thousands of people within their community. That was an absolutely incredible experience!

Yes, somebody else could see my gifts, my vision, somebody could see what I could
do for them, and they were willing to refer me and recommend me to their audience. That was the boost I needed for so long. That gave me such confidence to move forward, build programs and do even more then what I expected to do previously.

Keeping with the business trends, digital learning is best suited for entrepreneurs.
A lot of people do not want to show up for a 5-week course, so automation, learning on demand, to fit within their schedule was a must.

That was an incredible ‘aha’ moment, to complete a body of work, to make it publicly available and provide a great service for people. It was an unparalleled and outstanding experience.

It allowed me to move on and create more projects instead of teaching the same class over and over every month, and try to fill it up. I found that emotionally exhausting to market, and then only get a handful of people show up.

How can I change your life? 

Connect with me, and grab a spot on my calendar.

Read Aha Moments That Changed My life, Part 1.

Read Aha Moments That Changed My life, Part 2.

 

AHA Moments Part2 Reflections of My Life

Back in 1996 when I first moved to Florida, at some point in my journey a light bulb went off, it was an ‘aha’ moment. I was walking the beach, reflecting on everything that transpired in my life and I was questioning why my family wasn’t reaching out to me. I realized I was living my life for the approval from my family who were not reaching out to me or even talking to me. I considered and entertained the thought … Was it just because I moved? Looking at my past I realized that they were not reaching out to me when I was living in Wisconsin, and I was geographically closer to them. They truly weren’t doing anything out of their normal, but I was expecting love and validation, and clearly wanted people to come and connect with me.

Taking it a step further, I realized I never felt the type of love I wanted to receive from my parents. I am sure that they loved me in their own way. Nevertheless, probably until I was 47 years old I never realized that they were only capable of loving me in the way they knew how.

So, when I recognized people’s limitations, what their actions were, and if I had a different expectation then what they were delivering that was my fault. I was reacting with disappointment, depression, anger because loving connections were not made … I wasn’t feeling loved. I was expecting something from them then what they were able to do for themselves or anybody else.

Don't Take Anything Personally

I began to recognize the whole pattern,
‘Don’t Take It Personally’, one of the ‘Four Agreements’ authored by Don Miguel Ruiz. Sitting back and observing the circumstances, even though I was affected by this, I learned that it wasn’t me and accepted their behaviors, and what they were capable of and willing to do.

When we can get to that place and look objectively at every single situation that comes to us, and we can say … What does this mean to me? How can I use this?  … We are in a place of understanding and acceptance. Now I use that lack of recognition and validation from my parents and my family, and realize what that feels like, and understand what other people are going through.

I have learned to take all my situations since then and turn them into something positive. Paraphrasing Napoleon Hill – “There is a seed of good within every bad thing that happens to you”. I am always looking for the seed.

Without the emotional abandonment or rejection I felt from my family, I wouldn’t have been as passionate about wanting to create good relationships, to reach out and make sure that I am a better husband for my wife, and to extend myself to my community and to be able to serve. That was my ‘aha’ moment to learn how to shift those things that happened, and not dwell in the ‘poo’ and start looking for the ‘pony’ in all of it. And, have happy rides!

Do you need help to sieve through the ‘poo’ to find the seeds?
Sign up now — Receive private coaching at group coaching rates.

You may be interested in reading my other blog, ‘Road to Self-Discovery’.

Read Aha Moments That Changed My Life, Part 1.

Read Aha Moments That Changed My Life, Part 3.

AHA MOMENTS PART 1 All great changes are preceded by chaos -Deepak Chopra

Life’s daily events shift from day to day, changes evolve and challenges occur,
all serving a higher purpose.  Being open and learning the lessons in every situation
is necessary for growth, ultimately to make it better going forward.

My methodology has been to practice personal growth each and every day. We can grow immeasurably by learning from people around the world. Over the years I have learned from numerous motivational and inspirational speakers. Motivational and inspirational quotes are one of the most frequently ‘ReTweet’ tweets because so many people are looking for inspiration.

As Zig Ziglar states, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last.
Well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily”.

The repetitive listening, drumming it in, will start to seep out of you and all of sudden you will be saying, “Where did I learn that? That’s Tony Robbins’ voice, that’s Zig Ziglar’s voice”. If you saturate yourself with the information, you will be amazed at what you will pick up and grow into.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn notably said “Be so busy giving recognition that
you don’t need it.
” I have learned over time to replace the word, ‘recognition’ with anything else, whether it is love or respect, etc.

Be so busy giving recognition that you don’t need itOne huge lesson I learned was to put the needs of others first. When you love the other person first, recognize and validate them first, you will be absolutely amazed at how much will come back to you. For me, it was even more than what I ever expected. That is the ‘Golden Key’ to ‘Give First’, and love them the way they want to loved. Then you will wind up getting back all that you wanted and more.

As an entrepreneur, a past lesson and challenge left a strong impression. It was during a period of time when I was doing massage work for people with disabilities.
I loved the work because I was making such a striking impact, an influence on people’s lives. I was in people’s home, connecting with their families, helping people with disabilities. In addition to having a great client list that generated some revenue; more importantly, I received tremendous emotional support and gratification within that time period. In 2008, the Florida Legislators determined that massage for individuals with disabilities was not medically necessary and eliminated the program. So, 95% of my income and emotional support disappeared. I became frozen and crawled on the couch for months.

In June 2008, I met Dave Lakhani at a Bob Burg event and he mentioned that I have to get on Twitter. So, I got on Twitter and I started out selfishly sharing motivational quotes to lift myself up and to get out of the mental state I was in. In sharing those quotes, I became the 1 in 5 people Jim Rohn referred to … “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, including yourself.”

People started resonating with me, with my messages. They began responding and engaging with me. To expand further, I was able to coach. I had been a coach since 1999, but really wasn’t fully committed to it. Losing that massage position, going through that funk, turning to Twitter really showed me that my gifts and talents laid within communicating, building relationships, motivating myself so I could motivate other people. Sometimes what appears as a monumental change or massive challenge truly is a positive shift to an awakening. It was one of the many ‘AHA’ moments in my life. That shift brought my gifts to the surface . . . what I feel my calling was, what I was meant to do here.

Inspirational messages have an optimsitic effect on life UpdatedMy goal is to give value. Every day
I get messages on how my quotes have impacted someone’s life or shifted their day. I have a social responsibility for the greater good because people resonate with these messages. At one point I got a note from a young lady who was contemplating suicide. She had a very debilitating disease due to the pain on several levels, and was contemplating ending her life. One of my affirmations that I set up in a program that auto schedules my tweets was delivered on the day she was contemplating suicide. With this program, I do not know when a specific message will be going out. It goes out randomly. That tweet showed up to her at that time she needed it the most and shifted her focus. She made a decision to work with people with the same disability, to make all of their lives better.

This is part of what I teach in my Twitter trainings: to have that influence, to put something out there for the greater good that is not all about promoting yourself, but can enhance the lives of other people.

You never know how impactful your message will be. Stories like that just humble me and make me more committed to making sure those motivational messages get out every day. It is even more important to people than for people to see my Twitter classes or coaching programs.

What was your ‘AHA’ moment today?

Read Aha  Moments That Changed My life, Part 2.

Read Aha Moments That Changed My Life, Part 3.

Power of #Hashtags

Tweets with hashtags

The use of #hashtags has grown and has become an incredible way to find conversations about specific topics.  Almost any term is already being tagged.

Check out your tweet stream, and I’m reasonably certain you will not find more than 5 tweets in a row that do not contain at least one hashtag. There are many different ways to use hashtags effectively to grow your audience, expand your conversations and engagement, and promote your events. 

Around Valentine’s Day in 2012 I created and registered the hashtag, #LoveFest to share a large number of quotes I had collected about love.  While preparing my tweets for Valentine’s Day ♥, I learned that I had compiled over 400 messages about love, far too many to share on only one day. In order to spread the love around as much as possible I proclaimed February 11th thru the 20th as Twitterverse #LoveFest. I asked others to join me in sharing messages of love, and create a shift in the consciousness of the world, one tweet at a time.

I received over 200 retweets on #LoveFest alone, which connected me with hundreds of new followers. They were all interested in sharing messages of love and relationships. In addition, I received several invitations to be a guest on Blog Talk Radio shows and Twitter Chats.  

Lovefest Twitter BirdFor me, it was a natural connection to use the #LoveFest tag, because it flows into my mission to help “Build Better Relationships”. 

What tags can you think of that would be a natural lead into your mission to serve? 

When used strategically, creating your own hashtag can help you create a community of people sharing an interest in what is important to you, all of which leads directly into establishing the ‘Know, Like & Trust’ Relationship that will separate you from the hordes of tweeters. 

Many people are unaware that you can check for availability, and register your hashtag on Twubs. You would be surprised at how many commonly used tags are not registered; and yet, I am not aware of what long term rights and privileges registering a tag will give us, but why not grab ownership?

Twitter Party Hashtag updatedThere will be no control to limit the use of the hashtag by others outside of your conversation. But, I have set up a search column on my hashtags and when someone uses the tag in the way I like, I have reached out to them, followed them or RTed their message. All of which attracted like-minded people to my corner of the Twitterverse. 

If I can help you build your Social Media strategy by using hashtags or in any other way, let’s get started by scheduling a 30-Minute Strategy Session Call for only $ 25, $100 Value.

I am grateful for the generous comments I have already received on how to Master The Twitterverse, and how it has helped increase your following and enhance the use in the Twitterverse.  I would be honored, if you would share your experiences and what you liked best about the eBook on my site. Please feel free to drop me an email at: gary@garyloper.com

The Keys To Building Better Love Relationships

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. It makes us whole. When we are
in love, we feel better, more alive. Love makes us more than we thought we could be. Being in love every day is a worthwhile gift, one that everyone can experience throughout their life. To hold on to love you must build a strong foundation.

So, what are some important aspects to build a foundation in relationships?

Picture in your mind that your relationship is like a garden. You must tend to it every single day, water it, pull the weeds out, and when you do those things you will get a bountiful harvest.

“Relationships are like a garden, it must be tended to daily – watered and weeded in order to produce a bountiful garden”. ~ Gary Loper

Most people go into their marriage

Most people go into their marriage without any
thought of preparing for the relationship. Often time they
fall into the same patterns that
their parents or family had
managed theirs, and probably not with the best results.

=====================

If you want a better relationship, you have to be a ‘better you’. You only can help someone to the depth that you are willing to go. The better you are than the more you can offer the other person.

Also, relationships are for us to heal. We get attracted to the physical and emotional parts, but on a soul level we have called the other person to us. We then can heal our past ‘stuff’ and grow.

One of the best ways to Build Better Relationships and find that love every day is to put their needs first. In the book, The Go-Giver, the third law of stratospheric success is the Law of Influence: how abundantly you place the needs of others before yours. In the Go-Giver we learn from Pindar that he has a happy and thriving 50 year marriage. He was asked what the secret was. He said, “We make a point to make each other happy”. So, look for ways to make each other happy every single day. You can start asking yourself, what can I do each day to make this relationship even better?

Also, if you haven’t already done so, I highly recommend a great tool, The Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman. It is a vital book to learn and understand love languages. To create a healthy relationship, learn to express to your partner in the way they feel understood, appreciated and loved. Your partner is your best friend. Talk their Love Language. 

Take the free Love Language test here.

Express Love

Here is an insightful example expressed by my first coach. He received a phone call from his wife to meet him at a building downtown with no explanation. He arrives downtown, meets her outside the building, they get on the elevator and get off, and he finds himself in a marriage counselor’s office. His wife still is not saying anything at the time. He gets in the therapist’s office, and the therapist says, “Why are you here?” His wife pipes up and says, “He doesn’t love me.” He looks at her in total disbelief and says, “What do you mean I do not love you. I hug you all of the time.” She responds, “But, you never say the words.” This is vital.

In Chapman’s book he identifies that there are 5 primary love languages. His five groups are: words of affirmation, quality of time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Here is an important key: If you know how you need to feel loved, you can give your partner the key to the kingdom.

To take a deeper look at Gary’s 20 Secrets to Building Better Love Relationships, you can download his free eBook.

Some of the topics covered are: Learn to love yourself, love languages, ways to touch the heart, motivational DNA, reflective listening and much more!

Couple on beach at sunset.Before embracing a relationship, have you asked yourself what your relationship will look like, and what attributes you want to have?

Let’s take a deeper look at some vital aspects of romantic relationships.

It is important to learn from all of your accumulative experiences, and be prepared to have ‘practice’ dates and relationships.

If for no other reason, it is to show you more of what you do not want and then you can re-define what you do want. It is important to recognize and appreciate the contrast.

Change your thoughts and look for appreciation and gratitude for the experienceThere is no such verbiage as ‘waste’ in my vocabulary. If you express that you wasted 7 years in a marriage, change your thoughts and look for appreciation and gratitude for the experience. With each experience brings knowledge and growth. Remember the other person was there to help you heal. People come into our lives at the time when we need the lesson.

First create a list of attributes. List those aspects you found appealing about the other person. You will be amazed at the list, and how it will expand naturally. Even if qualities overlap, you will learn what resonates with you. My list had no physical qualities. I was not locked into hair color, eye color, etc., just being healthy, for example: being conscious about exercise, walking, and yoga. It is the Law of Attraction. So, if you get too focused, too narrow, you are telling the Universe that those are the only things you will accept. You are not allowing the Universe to bring you any variance of something that could be even better. Even the lottery, or saying you want to win a MILLION dollars …. What if the Universe wants to bring you more? You are limiting yourself.

Look at different meetup groups, bike clubs, and things of interest 2Next, look at people you want to model a relationship after. Find other people that have successful relationships. Start acting as they act. Then hang out with them. When upgrading your friends, your circle of influence, the sum total of the five people you hang around the most, you will learn that they are your strongest influence. You may have to upgrade your friends to people who are in better alignment with what and where you want to be. Look at different meetup groups, bike clubs, and things of interest. Do things that you love to do, and find people who love the same things, with a similar common interest. What is the most important thing to you? If you love to run, then join a group that runs on a regular basis. If your religion or spiritual practice is crucial to you, start practicing your faith and go to your place of faith. Start shopping for those places of interest.

Most importantly, before you start a relationship, love yourself. If you want to be loved, be more lovable. You have to become what you want. Be loving. Add value. Put the needs of others first. Also, give away first the things you need to receive.

Moving from that dating phase into the long term commitment is vital to recognize what is next.

Your relationship will grow into a different feeling of love. When you first meet there is that hypnotic feeling of lust and passion, as you feel in the first few years. It is called P.E.A. It is often called the ‘Love Drug’.

When you realize this, you begin to realize the nature of relationships. You will know that at the beginning part of the relationship you are going to have the P.E.A. hormone spike, and over time it will change. This will help you to be mindful on how to truly love one another. Knowledge is so powerful. This is where Reflective Listening is important, one of the most valuable tools to creating the best possible relationship.

5 Love LanguagesKnowing that the P.E.A. will wear off, it makes it even more important to be aware of Reflective Listening, our individual Love Languages and focusing on making the other person happy. Make the promise, that vow to make the other person happy, and speak their Love Language. Remember you cannot put your love on the shelf like some people do. They wait until after the kids grow up, or after their career. You must work at it every day!

Are you striving for the perfect relationship?

There is no such thing as perfection. We can continue to pursue excellence and improvement. Perfect is always changing. Otherwise, you are locked into that one vision instead of being open to the constant pursuit of improvement and excellence.

Going back to the P.E.A., when we are under that trance we do not see the dirty dishes, the clothes on the floor, the pee on the toilet rim, you don’t see it! You are under the influence of the P.E.A. When it wears off, it didn’t change. You just didn’t notice all those things because of the P.E.A. That is why it is essential to build a strong foundation in your relationship from the start.

Discover Your Love Language, take Gary Chapman’s free test.

Looking to have a deeper understanding of relationships, download my free eBook, 20 Secrets to Building Better Love Relationships.

 

Twitter Strategies

twitter-strategies-invest-before-you-can-start-collecting-the-dividends-updated

You have to invest before you can start collecting the dividends. You can’t go into a bank and open an account with the bare minimum, and then turn around and expect to get a loan without any collateral. I am a huge fan of Napoleon Hill’s Success Philosophy – one of which states that you must be willing to give first in order
to receive.

Fill your pages with powerful messages, especially in the beginning. If a restaurant’s parking lot is empty, no one will stop – even if the food’s incredible. Remember your tweets = the parking lot and menu.

Whats that up there?Some things to add to your menu: share interesting, touching stories, news items, ask questions, provide answers to questions, compliment individuals, leave comments on blogs, make recommendations, retweet other people’s messages, add songs, include motivational quotes. The most frequently retweeted message are quotes.

It is important to stay within your strategy. Breaking news about celebrities for your healing practice is generally a mixed message. Another mistake people make is when they are tweeting about their business, and they make comments about politics and religion. Keep your politics and religion to yourself, unless your target market shares the exact same beliefs. If not, you run a high risk of offending someone and jeopardizing future sales and connections.

What to tweet – determine your mission on why you are on Twitter, stay on course.

SOME TIPS:

  • Sharing recipes as an insurance rep sends a confusing message, and
    we all know that a confused mind will not buy.
  • Don’t sell until you have 2K followers and tweets – earn the right.
  • Keep politics, personal, and all other non-business issues off of your
    business account.
  • Be a resource for valuable information.
  • Suggest links to media.
  • Retweet quotes generously.
  • Add songs.
  • Share interesting, touching stories, news items.
  • Ask questions, provide answers to other people’s questions.
  • Compliment people.
  • Leave comments on blogs.
  • Make recommendations.
  • Find your voice.
  • People are watching you to see if they can trust you.
  • Build rapport.
  • Remember: It’s not all about you.
  • Talk to people using their name, and make it easy for people to
    find your name.
  • Recommend people for others to follow.
  • Fill your page with powerful messages.
  • Earn the right to ask them to invest.
  • Be clear about your mission and purpose on Twitter.

One of the biggest lessons I try to share with everyone is the importance of
what to tweet and what not to tweet.

These are suggestions. Pick out the ones that are in alignment with your overall Twitter mission. If you are not sure of your mission, try out a couple at a time and test them. Look to see which gets you the most favorable responses from your audience.

Need help with your Twitter Strategy? Schedule a call with Gary.

30-Minute Twitter Strategy Session … for ONLY $25, $100 VALUE ~ to help you with the one thing that you can change today to improve you or your business, to help you Master the Twitterverse!