A Reason, Season or Lifetime

by Caryl Loper on March 15, 2010

Throughout our lives, people come and go.  Sometimes making a major impact, but always touching our lives in some way—even when the ‘lesson’ may not be revealed to us until well afterwards.  If at all—when we are not listening.

Traveling along my path I have gained many experiences and lessons to be more aware of the wonder of each of these encounters and have accepted that people or events arrive to us for a reason, season or lifetime.  For the most part I can fully accept that when a relationship ends, it is for the best, and each soul or at least one, had attained the lesson or sacred contract it needed to learn.

Even those who appear to be major dream stealers, energy zappers have been a player in our play to show us our choices and lessons so we can move closer to our dreams and potential.  I know they have served me to find my own desires, especially when they tell me what I cannot do.

The biggest challenge I have in letting go is with family.  I remember all my teachers saying, ‘delete the dream stealers’  ‘surround yourself with positive successful people’ ‘let go of the past’ ‘go with the flow’ ‘ work with those who are looking for what you have to offer’ and many more.

Why is it nearly impossible to disconnect from those who have disconnected from us?  There is still the child within us all that needs to be loved by our families, and even knowing and accepting who they are and have been, does not fill that void.   The approval of our colleagues, friends and customers is not enough; yet, we still deeply long for approval from where it never has come before.

Personally, I still struggle with this a lot.  Being estranged from all of my family for nearly 15 years, I still feel devastated on birthdays and holidays, especially when previous repeated rejections prevent any positive movement and healing.

Now, I am experiencing both physical and emotional separation.  Earlier in my life it was only emotional.  I struggle to decide which felt worse.  Having them so close and not being able to receive what was needed or move myself away in self-protection.  Their behavior is the same as it was before and continues to be.   It is my self worth that leads me to no longer accept the lack of emotional availability and needed to remove myself in order to not expect something to happen that has never happened before and that is still not being heard.

I have seen where some people will not acknowledge the existence of those who have hurt them.  But I wonder if this ever works?  It would seem that you would be constantly carrying that casket and the pain will always be there.

There may never be a time when I will be able to separate myself completely from them even though it appears they have.  I am hopeful to learn from your experience in what you have done to come to a better acceptance of family estrangement so that you develop work arounds to heal yourself.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Gary A. Loper June 3, 2010 at 2:52 pm

So do you have any Christian views about these life experiences, Gary? Your views seem pretty New Age to me. Just curious if you see God working in any of these life experiences.

Blessings, Grace & Peace,

I sure like your name!

Gary A. Loper

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Gary Loper June 3, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Greetings Gary

Have seen your name and organ services for a while now, all in very good light.
God, is working through out all our experiences.
Some may choose to use different names, but to me it is all the same light, different lamps.

Keep in touch

Create an excellent day
Gary

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Ryan April 16, 2011 at 9:13 am

Gary,
I am fortunate enough to not be in this position regarding family. I have read before that avoiding the problem/ conflict does not serve you so I think you counteract this chapter if you will by helping other people- which you do very well! You help fill the void in others lives that you may feel. I am by no means a professional but my mother has a similar background and although you and I haven’t met, I think you two are very similar in your very caring and compassionate ways: not just her being motherly.
Thank you for the inspiration and have a great day!
Ryan

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Gary Loper April 16, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Appreciate your kind thoughts, Ryan. You right on target with the filling the void — when I fully embraced a quote by Jim Rohn “Be so busy giving recognition that you will not need it”. That showed me that to become other focused and give what I felt I needed the most. It was very difficult at first because I felt so much lack and how could I give what I never received, did not feel that I had anyone to model. These thoughts kept me stuck for a long time. When I realized that most people are feeling the same way — unheard, abandoned, under appreciated — that someone had to be willing to put the needs of others first and doing so has brought an enormous fulfillment of all of those feelings. An important thing to remember is that we cannot go about this action with the intent that we will be getting something back from the people we share with. But to know that the universe will repay every act of kindness in some way in some other time. Give for the sake of Giving and you will receive more than you thought you needed.

Your mom, sounds like an incredible person, putting her story aside to provide you something much better than she had.

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