To build my daily certainty and confidence, I began writing every day in my gratitude journal. I heard this suggestion from Oprah, probably back in the 80’s when there was a big push for gratitude journals. At first I resisted it, thinking I was well centered. Then, at some point, I was gifted a beautiful, handcrafted journal. That began my journey in gratitude journaling. I started to observe each day, discovering five things to be grateful for, finding appreciation in the small things and writing them down. I noticed things like the rain, how the plants were nourished, how it cleaned my car, and all the different aspects in life that I found gratitude for.
Coupled with whatever you focus on, you are going to gain more in your life. The more you can find gratitude in, what is already working in your life and what’s around you, you are going to attract that into your life.
For me, it almost became a compulsion that I needed to fill up my journal every day. These habits work well with my body. When I am feeding that part of myself, my confidence is boosted up. All of this leads into that we are much more than what we give ourselves credit for. I don’t think we see what other people see in us. Sometimes what other people see in us scares them because it forces the individual to be more, to change and grow, and they do not want to move out of their comfort zone.
One of the other things that built my certainty and confidence was a fascination email project, fun thing to do. You write an email. You write a couple of words, send it out to 6 – 20 people and say something like this:
“I have a passion and a gift that I really want to take out into the world. I am curious and I respect your opinion … What do you think my gifts are? What do you think my talents are? What do you find fascinating about me?” When I did this project I was absolutely floored. I did not realize that anyone saw me in that light.
In the past, I didn’t get the results that I wanted as far as feedback from family, friends, and customers. Since I didn’t receive that validation, there was always a lingering doubt. My recommendation, put that message out, ask people that you are close to and can trust with that information. This is your new story, your definition. You will be amazed. Most people reply within 2 – 3 days, and take action with it.
I do not believe that people recognize the things in their lives that they have already accomplished. With working entrepreneurs or budding entrepreneurs, or people who are straddling, they do not think they have accomplished much in their lives. In my coaching practice, I challenged them to write down 100 things that they did in their life. I recommend that you spend some time and list 100 things, and give yourself credit even for the small things. If you have been depressed and blue, and locked onto the couch for the last 6 months, and you got up and went for a walk, then that is an accomplishment in my book.
Look at your skills. If you are a stay home mom, look at the skills in taking care of your family. For example, you have 4 or 5 kids: you are team building, problem solving, developing communication skills, working within a budget, looking at schedules and organization, cooking and cleaning. That is 8 things, and I haven’t scratched the surface.
In order to create a shift and build that certainty and confidence, you have to realize where you are at and know that you want something different. In one of my first personal coaching sessions, I couldn’t define what love was or what success was, until we did an exercise.
I chose the word, ‘success,’ one that I was uncertain about and lacked confidence. I wrote the word, ‘success’ down and went to the thesaurus, which we called the Book of Miracles. And then I looked up the word, ‘success,’ and found other synonyms I resonated with. Success could mean accomplishment, triumph, winning, achievement. I created a flowchart with success at the top and then wrote the synonyms underneath. I looked at each word and kept expanding the list to a point of overwhelm, either by repeating the words too often or I could no longer do anymore. I took all of those words and created a story around it. The story did not have to make any sense, but I had to use every single word. Subconsciously that programmed my new definition of what success was. If you don’t know the meaning or what you want, then your confidence waivers.
You can apply it to values. We get our opinions basically through absorption, whatever the family does or the way they did it. If it is not feeling right, we need to look at it as … is this something I am doing because I believe it or is it something I have picked up along the way from friends, family or other organizations that I have been a part of?
I picked this up from the Millionaire Mind, by T. Harv Eker, where he had talked to millionaires and successful people and he found that successful people had more of an attitude of ‘ready, fire, aim.’ As opposed to non-successful people who are in that ‘ready, ready, ready’, aim, aim, aim and never take a shot’ mindset. This is the parallel I saw in the ‘Do, Be, Have,’ you get ‘ready, fire’ – you gather the information, you get around people that have had success, and it shortens your learning curve, shortens your risk potential.
In the ‘Secret’ a lot of people forgot about the ‘Do’ part, taking that action. I don’t know if they were waiting for the magic bullet, or they thought that it was going to show up on its own. Even as much as I am connected to the computer and people are active on the computer, new customers are not going to show up at my front door because I am sitting at my computer. There are still some action steps I need to do to be active, to get results. I really like that … To ‘Do,’ to act as if, to go out and get results and experience. With the experience, you build confidence. With the confidence, you get even bigger and better results.
It is not that optimistic people never fall down again. When successful people fall or they get a result that is less than what is desired, they know they can get back up, readjust and go again. They do not stop the process. It gets easier when you get yourself around people who are optimistic and are looking to move forward, to have the results of what you want.
So, first start with something small and build on those daily successes that will gradually nudge your certainty and confidence. With your faith, with your daily habits, like journaling, meditation, prayer connection, recognizing that source is bringing opportunities to serve the world in a much bigger way, you will build your certainty and confidence.
Also read my blog: The Keys to Developing a Conscious Business, more thoughts on Certainty and Confidence.
If you want to work with Gary to create your own personal successes, write him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This article was originally posted in Bellésprit magazine. The magazine content features topics of inspiration, guidance, personal experiences, and spirit messages all leading our diamond in the rough to healing and growing into the best ‘diamond’ we were meant to be. Be sure to subscribe to Bellésprit Magazine, a wealth of information.