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AHA MOMENTS PART 1 All great changes are preceded by chaos -Deepak Chopra

Throughout my blog posts my intention has been to share transformational images. These images are places I have personally traveled, experiences I have explored in order to heal my own inner child.  I hold a light for others who are on a similar path.

As I sit on top of the mountain shining the lantern’s light, I hold the light so people following their path can see their way up. As I internalize my image and complete the journey, I shine my light down for other people who have just begun. I can hold the light for others who are not as far along.

For me, my journey began initially by accepting that I was not where I wanted to be.  I initiated my transformation.  It has been full of shifts, many freeing at first and others very challenging.  We cannot grow in our comfort zones.  It is only in chaos that true growth can be realized. Often that is where many individuals check out of the process.  It is too hard facing the memories, and challenging to take control of our reactions to what has transpired.  Most often when we search within to find a way to turn our pains into a passion that is when our own healing begins.  I am not sure if the process is ever completed, but I look at each opportunity to heal myself a little more and in the process assist others to move ahead in their journey.  The absolute beauty in this is helping others.  It has allowed me to be a better guide for even more people.

A very important thing to mention is that this transformation is not an overnight miracle.  Be aware that by going within to meditate and reflect, we awaken the life force within, just as the plants hibernate in winter.  Shutting down and going within, we begin to awaken with a new brilliant life and new fruit or flower to share with the world.

Honor yourself.  Even though the transformation will be challenging, it will be worth the effort.  Your world and your perspective of it will be altered.  Remember you are not alone. There are many on the same path, and they are willing to help.

I can help you in your transformation. Start today by scheduling a 30-minute strategy call.

You may be interested in the book, ‘TRANSFORM Your Life!’  It is a composite of inspiring, empowering and life transforming stories about hope, success, motivation, passion, adversity, authenticity, and many more topics. Purchase your book here.


Businesswoman Sitting at a Table with Her Eyes Closed and Her Hands on Her Head

Lately I have been hearing many people feeling overwhelmed with their lives, business, programs and projects. A couple of people have remarked that they
needed to pull back, and did not feel that they were able to do what they had originally agreed to.

While it is always a wise decision to listen to your inner voice, if the important
parts of your life are suffering, taking a step back is the best plan for the time being.

However there are ways to work smarter, and get everything accomplished. Even before I learned about the Law of Attraction, I knew the value of looking within. Through intensive studies and coaching certification programs, I learned how to change that state of consciousness, being overwhelmed. And, I have helped many others achieve what was needed to shift to a better feeling, to stay focused and move into action and create success.

Law of Attraction teaches us that what we think will manifest, regardless of being positive or negative. So, if we are feeling there is ‘too much on our plate, not enough time, it’s too hard’, we will certainly get more of what we are asking for — even if that is not what we think we are asking for.

Our dominant thoughts will come to life from our thoughts. Being overwhelmed is a choice of how we are investing our energies. One of the biggest lessons I learned from several teachers in slightly different words was: “you cannot grow in your comfort zone”. We need chaos to help us see which way we want to go.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, a Strategy Session will help you with the one thing that can change today to improve you or your business.
For more information, click here.

You may be interested in reading my blog, EATING ELEPHANTS #JustForToday.
By shifting your thought to a bite at a time and enjoying the process, you will see yourself making significant progress instead of getting stuck and stopping.


The Value of Language Filters

The purpose for filters on your car, vacuum, or air conditioner and other appliances is to keep the dirt out of the working parts of the machine. Without filters the appliance will have a very short life, if it continues at all, and the results will be
very costly.

The same is absolutely true with our relationships.  If we do not apply a language filter, we will do severe damage with our communication and ruin our relationships.  Be it with yourself or others, the words we speak can be a fertilizer allowing what lies underneath to blossom or it can bury it. Our self-talk is the best place to start.

The words we choose are programs to our sub-conscious mind, which cannot differentiate between negative and positive.  Prove it to yourself:  In the room where you are now, look around the entire room and notice everything, but the color red.

Now what was the first thing you noticed?  Almost everyone will see everything red in the room. Some may try to ignore the color red, because they remembered they were not supposed to notice the red. So, we have learned that the mind will respond to what we ask it, no matter if phrased in a negative or positive light.

If we are choosing ‘to be embraced’ with more positive things in our life, we must take action in choosing only the positive words that will bring us closer to our dreams.  I was reminded how powerful this can be when I had an AD on a dating site years ago. I had listed many positive attributes I wanted in a relationship. And, I did attract all those qualities with my wife, Caryl. However, I must remind you to be very specific in your asking. One of the characteristics I asked for was an accent. In my mind I was wishing for something soft and lyrical to my ear (Southern, Aussie, or British). What I got was a New York accent. I am grateful it is not a hard New York accent.

What we say does have a great power over ourselves and the people in our lives.  Choosing wisely what we say can only benefit everyone involved.

“Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts.” ~ Robert Fulghum

Tame the Negative Voice Within

That negative voice or Gremlin is the narrator in your head influencing you since you came into this world, and accompanies you throughout your entire existence.

He wants you to accept his interruptions as reality, and his only goal is to squelch the natural, vibrant you within.

Even though your body and personality changes over time, the gremlin keeps playing the old tapes – some of which may have been helpful in the past, but most if not all no longer work for us today.

In the book “Taming Your Gremlin”, author Rick Carson’s wonderful book of lessons assists the reader to get out of your own way and tap into a clearer vision of those gremlins – those inner voices.

When I worked on some lessons I got stuck in the process, wanting to avoid the exercise that took me back to my childhood homes in which I had to identify the feelings and memories.  My avoidance was a Gremlin trying to stay in a victim mindset until I realized that I was still living a good part of my life with those limiting beliefs.  Those recollections were not who I am or was.  They were the making of someone else and their choices.

Change the StoryI discovered that I was an actor in the play being written by my family – not a very good play, UNTIL NOW.  I am the producer of my own new play, and have cancelled my part in the previous drama.

What I learned is you can make choices as whether you want to play with the negative voice or Gremlin, ignore them or simply observe them. After reading the book, I am making better choices, having more victories.  The confidence starts flowing back in abundance when you take out the filters in what you can receive.

Lao Tzu’s philosophy is to simply notice the natural order of things. Work with it rather than against it. For to try to change what is, only sets up resistance.

Simply notice involves simply noticing. When you watch a movie you allow yourself to be entertained – you don’t work on enjoying the movie.

The Zen theory of Change states: I free myself not by trying to be free, but by simply noticing how I am imprisoning myself in the very moment I am imprisoning myself.

Some Tips:

  • Ultimately become the observer of your thoughts and those of the Gremlin.
  • Simply notice. Choose and play with options. Be in the process.
  • Your breathing is the gauge and regulator of your level of contentment.
  • Remember to fully inhale and exhale.
  • Stay aware of your body and the world.
  • Your past is not attached to you.
  • Importantly creating a ‘feel good’ feeling is an internal mechanism.
  • It is up to you to create the world you want.

Stinkin Thinking

Need some help Taming Your Gremlins, sign up for private coaching at group coaching rates!  Learn how to tame that negative voice or gremlin, the narrator in your head influencing you since you came into this world and accompanies you throughout your entire existence.


Yoga Philosophies in Life & Business

Are you feeling more and more stress lately?

It seems that you cannot go anywhere without someone talking about their stresses, or telling you how stressful “these times” are. It is as if we are becoming programmed to believe that life is stressful.

What if there was a way to alleviate the on-going stress, would you be interested?

First, let’s take a look at our outside world. Our daily events are coupled with financial pressures, relationship tensions, job changes, various relocations, and chronic illness, what appears to be an overbearing escalation of negative thoughts, emotions and feelings. It is no wonder many of us are stressed to the max.

One of the first steps is to embrace a healthy way of viewing these challenges – one of acceptance, opportunities for growth, change and freedom. History has shown repeatedly that change and innovation only happens in the midst of chaos and dark times. Is it dark enough for you yet?

Stress ManagementHow do we migrate through these adversities? How do we discover the positive lessons of these occurrences? There are specific ways of dealing with stress. Rather than resorting to negative internalization and counterproductive responses and actions, such as binge eating, drugs, alcohol, excessive television, working exorbitant overtime, there is a way to manage the stress. It does not come in a bottle or a pill, and it is not pitched on an infomercial, but has been available for thousands of years and has been shared with us through nature.

The answer is yoga. Customizable to fit into your lifestyle, yoga is the best solution I have found to alleviating the on-going stress.

I have been practicing yoga since 1996 and have benefited in many ways – calmness, breath control, strength, connection of the body and mind, a moving meditation, body awareness, and toning. When I have slipped away from my daily practice I could feel my moods shift to places I would prefer they did not go.

At the beginning of 2010, I resolved to practice yoga daily and can very proudly say that I have practiced every day. The biggest benefit has been in stress relief.

GREMLINS 2: NOUVELLE GENERATIONIn building a new business and taming gremlins, I was feeling very stressed.  I truly believe that my yoga practice has helped me keep a reign on my emotions and restored calmness in our home.

The most important aspect of yoga is breathing, keeping control of your breath while your body is in a difficult position. When we notice the breath has become short or non-existent, we honor the body and move to a place where we maintain breath control and still push the body.

Taking that philosophy off the mat and applying to our everyday life has incredible benefits. When we get upset, we tend to hold our breath and while still talking or perhaps yelling, we cut off the air supply to all of our organs and blood. Breath is one of the essential fuels for our bodies to function. Without it, it is like driving on two flat tires. The vehicle may be drivable for a while, but at what cost?

Starting our own yoga practice is very simple and cost effective. The equipment needed is minimal and yoga can be practiced anywhere. Although there are a number of incredible videos to practice on your own, I would strongly suggest finding a gifted yoga instructor and taking classes with them. The energy of the group class is wonderful, and your instructor will assist you in understanding what you are doing in the best way, to benefit you and your intention.

Yoga Honor Your Body Ignore Your EgoThere are no perfect poses in yoga. Your teacher will show you the direction to go, and it is up to you to honor your body and ignore your ego. Accept the limits of your body. We are all different and have unique experiences that have led us to where we are now. Trying to do what another is doing while your body is telling you ‘no’ will not help, but probably will hurt. You will feel great and alive, and wanting to come back for more, and perhaps in time your body will feel the need to be adjusted all the time.

Yoga has been derived from observing nature. Watch the animals in or around your home. They are stretching themselves many times a day. How often are you following their lead?

For over 5,000 years, yoga has been the best way to bridge the gap between the body, mind, spirit and emotions to create balance, one of acceptance. Yoga can assist you to achieve this acceptance and an overall sense of well-being.

Yoga listen notice breatheYoga is more than what it appears to be. Some view it in simplicity, seeing it as another form of exercise. Yoga is far reaching, the incorporation of breath work, expansion and retraction of the lungs, stretching and elongating the muscles, nourishes your entire being. The techniques of yoga utilize breath work and meditation, which alleviates stress, allows one to feel a sense of wholeness, well-being and centering within the experience – one of acceptance no matter where you are in your life. Yoga teaches you to control your mind and body, restrain the conscious state.

The benefits are immense. It is proven that yoga decreases stress, increases your stamina, improves muscle tone, impedes the aging process, and elevates a creative energy flow. Yoga is enlivening to your entire being! It is a way of life. So, when are you going to get started?

Are you feeling anxious and stressed out? Invest in a 30-minute strategy session call.

Receive a 30-minute session for only $25, a $100 VALUE ~ Whether you need help in your personal life, or in your business, I can help you with the one thing that you can change today to improve you or your business.

Every day people make resolutions that they are going to change their direction, and finally achieve the goals and dreams that have escaped them so far. Truly successful people realize that they cannot do it alone and surround themselves with people who can support them in their dreams. So, if you have not yet chosen a coach to assist you in accomplishing those dreams, I AM CLAIMING YOU.  I will believe in YOU until you believe in YOU. 

Sign up here.


Businesswoman Sitting at a Table with Her Eyes Closed and Her Hands on Her Head

I learned a long time ago that to build your success first you must look at the overall picture, have the vision to see what is needed.  If you want to lead with success, marketing is a critical component.  Then it is all about finding the right person that can take you where you need to go. This world is filled with many ‘so-called’ experts, but it is takes more than having the skillset.  It takes Relationship Building, strong customer service abilities. Someone you hire must have the ability to pay attention to your needs and criteria, and must have an aptitude to be flexible and put your needs first, and by all means, ‘Go the Extra Mile’.

I know one special person who fits the bill, my partner and wife, Caryl Loper. 
She is extraordinary in my book.  Besides being a talented graphic artist, she has exceptional customer service qualities, always placing the other person first, meeting deadlines and delivering exactly what is needed and requested.  Throughout the years I have watched her create magic with incredible marketing pieces, from aesthetically beautiful designs to exemplifying what is an ideal marketing piece.

Her clients have been with the university medical school, faculty and staff, as well as working for corporations, smaller businesses and entrepreneurs. In recent years, she had to leave the workforce due to a neuromuscular disease, but continues to freelance in graphic design. Her focus has been on others rather than her challenges. She looks for opportunities to help small businesses, entrepreneurs and coaches with their success.

I am now reaching out to all my connections.  If you happen to know someone who may need Caryl’s services, please have them contact her at caryl@garyloper.com

What’s more, take an opportunity to view her portfolio:

Also, be sure to check out:

As you know, I am all about ‘Building Better Relationships’, so if you need an exceptional graphic artist, why not choose someone who has the same philosophy?


Have you ever wondered why some people achieve goals, dreams and aspirations, and others do not achieve their heart’s desire? Are there times in your life when things show up unexpectedly like a phone call from someone you were thinking about? Would it surprise you to know that your mind has the ability to attract into your life what you think about? The tricky part is getting your thoughts and your desires synchronized so your achievements, your dreams, and your aspirations materialize out of your own thoughts.

The first step in changing our life patterns is to realize we are responsible for our own thinking, both negative and positive. Earl Nightingale once said, “You are where you are in your life because this is where you really want to be, whether you realize it or not.” This is a powerful yet scary statement.  How can I be here, if this is not what I want?  Here is where the personal responsibility comes in.  You have free choice!  Knowing that your life reflects the sum total of all your previous choices, create your thoughts to create a new reality.  If you do not like what you see in your life, take full responsibility for your thoughts, make different choices and realize your dreams.

The next step is easy.  Remove all your negative thought patterns that sabotage your goals.  Remove all the “not’s” from your thoughts as well as from your vocabulary.  Send clear and concise messages to your subconscious.  As a body worker and personal coach, I have found that many people do not realize how negative their statements are, and how much this negative thinking interrupts their ability to achieve success.  For example, when asked about what they want in a relationship, they will start by telling me what they do NOT want.  “I don’t want a jerk.” Or, “I don’t want a drinker or smoker.”  What kind of people do you think usually come into their lives after making such statements?  That’s right.  All the types of people they so fervently stated were not the ones they were looking for.

Be careful What You Ask For

What they don’t realize is that anything following an “I” or an “I am” statement is considered a command to the subconscious.  The message the mind hears is, “I want a jerk, drinker, and smoker”.  The subconscious mind does not differentiate the negative from the positive.  It remembers whatever is introduced.  When we bring into our minds contradicting statements, we create a reality that contradicts our desire.  When we say such things as: “I want to be well.  I’m so tired of being sick”; or, “I want to lose weight.  I will never be a size 8”; or, “I want more money.  I do not want to work that hard”, we are sending out conflicting messages.  No matter what we do, our reality does not change.

As human beings we limit experience based on our ability to describe the experience.  Because we ask for things we want, it is important to be clear in our messages when asking for something to come into our life.  I heard of a woman who asked for a husband.  She attracted other women’s husbands!  Perhaps if she had asked for someone she could marry and share a life with, she would have brought into her world a different reality.

We have control over our conscious thought.  The old adage that you are what you eat, can truly be applied here.  YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK. The way you see yourself has a lot to do with the way your life is.  While we usually are our own worst critics, it is wise to remember not to be so hard on ourselves.  Remember that nature created you perfectly, and YOU have talked yourself out of it.

So, in order to start changing your life, you must first change your thoughts and words.  The subconscious mind will create whatever you think about, just as a garden will grow whatever you plant.  The garden does not care if it produces weeds or flowers.  If you choose to plant flowers, here is a formula for creating your desires.  Envision something other than your own current reality.  Simply create a clear picture in your mind of what you want.  The clearer you can be, the easier it will be for your dreams to become reality.  Get all your senses involved in the process – vision, touch, taste, sound, and smell.  How will this reality look? What will be the taste?  What sound will I hear?  What are the smells?

Stay away from the negative images

Try these steps. 1) From what did not work in the past, try to discover what you really want.  In other words, discover what would be the opposite of your present created experience.  For instance, if you are now meeting jerks, your opposite reality would mean that you want the opposite of a jerk, a gentleman. Turn your thoughts upside down for a new perspective. 2) Look around for examples to define more clearly.  Remove the negative images, people, movies, advertising and jobs.  Stay away from the negative images and the bad news that feeds our negative thoughts.  Emulate friends and family who have achieved goals.  Seek examples of positive relationships and events all around us that can spark a glow and desire in us.

In every aspect of life, studying past performance helps to develop plans for the future.  As in the computer technology, “garbage in, garbage out”, our subconscious mind is our hard drive and keeps exact records of past events.  If you do not like the recurrence of past events then you can do something different.  It is useless to do the same thing over and over again, and expect different results.  Our desires are budding realizations of who we really are, and what we really can become.

I challenge you to start doing something different to move towards your goals. Take small steps, but do something every day that will reprogram your hard drive.  Little by little you will see your thoughts bring a new reality into being. The Universe will then be working in harmony with you to bring you all you deserve.

*** Take responsibility – you have made all the choices so far.

*** Take the “nots” out of your vocabulary – think only of what you want.

*** Get in touch with all your senses to describe what you want.

*** Realize that you are entitled to fulfill your dreams and desires. When your thoughts match your desires it becomes much easier for the Universe to bring you its gifts.

*** Take steps – a little every day to move closer to your realizations.

*** Trust that the Universe will bring it to you in a way that is a win-win for everyone

(Let Go, Let God)

(Note:  This article was written over 18 years ago.  Gary’s 1st published article, leading-edge material before other publications on Changing One’s Thoughts, Changes One’s Life.)


This article was originally posted in Bellésprit magazine. The magazine content features topics of inspiration, guidance, personal experiences, and spirit messages all leading our diamond in the rough to healing and growing into the best ‘diamond’ we were meant to be. Be sure to subscribe to Bellésprit Magazine, a wealth of information.


Certainty and Confidence, Part 2

To build my daily certainty and confidence, I began writing every day in my gratitude journal. I heard this suggestion from Oprah, probably back in the 80’s when there was a big push for gratitude journals. At first I resisted it, thinking I was well centered. Then, at some point, I was gifted a beautiful, handcrafted journal. That began my journey in gratitude journaling. I started to observe each day, discovering five things to be grateful for, finding appreciation in the small things and writing them down. I noticed things like the rain, how the plants were nourished, how it cleaned my car, and all the different aspects in life that I found gratitude for.

Coupled with whatever you focus on, you are going to gain more in your life. The more you can find gratitude in, what is already working in your life and what’s around you, you are going to attract that into your life.

For me, it almost became a compulsion that I needed to fill up my journal every day. These habits work well with my body. When I am feeding that part of myself, my confidence is boosted up. All of this leads into that we are much more than what we give ourselves credit for. I don’t think we see what other people see in us. Sometimes what other people see in us scares them because it forces the individual to be more, to change and grow, and they do not want to move out of their comfort zone.

Write EmailOne of the other things that built my certainty and confidence was a fascination email project, fun thing to do. You write an email. You write a couple of words, send it out to 6 – 20 people and say something like this:
“I have a passion and a gift that I really want to take out into the world. I am curious and I respect your opinion … What do you think my gifts are? What do you think my talents are? What do you find fascinating about me?” When I did this project I was absolutely floored. I did not realize that anyone saw me in that light.

In the past, I didn’t get the results that I wanted as far as feedback from family, friends, and customers. Since I didn’t receive that validation, there was always a lingering doubt. My recommendation, put that message out, ask people that you are close to and can trust with that information. This is your new story, your definition. You will be amazed. Most people reply within 2 – 3 days, and take action with it.

I do not believe that people recognize the things in their lives that they have already accomplished. With working entrepreneurs or budding entrepreneurs, or people who are straddling, they do not think they have accomplished much in their lives. In my coaching practice, I challenged them to write down 100 things that they did in their life. I recommend that you spend some time and list 100 things, and give yourself credit even for the small things. If you have been depressed and blue, and locked onto the couch for the last 6 months, and you got up and went for a walk, then that is an accomplishment in my book.


Look at your skills. If you are a stay home mom, look at the skills in taking care of your family. For example, you have 4 or 5 kids: you are team building, problem solving, developing communication skills, working within a budget, looking at schedules and organization, cooking and cleaning. That is 8 things, and I haven’t scratched the surface.

In order to create a shift and build that certainty and confidence, you have to realize where you are at and know that you want something different. In one of my first personal coaching sessions, I couldn’t define what love was or what success was, until we did an exercise.

I chose the word, ‘success,’ one that I was uncertain about and lacked confidence. I wrote the word, ‘success’ down and went to the thesaurus, which we called the Book of Miracles. And then I looked up the word, ‘success,’ and found other synonyms I resonated with. Success could mean accomplishment, triumph, winning, achievement. Success Key White border on topI created a flowchart with success at the top and then wrote the synonyms underneath. I looked at each word and kept expanding the list to a point of overwhelm, either by repeating the words too often or I could no longer do anymore. I took all of those words and created a story around it. The story did not have to make any sense, but I had to use every single word. Subconsciously that programmed my new definition of what success was. If you don’t know the meaning or what you want, then your confidence waivers.

You can apply it to values. We get our opinions basically through absorption, whatever the family does or the way they did it. If it is not feeling right, we need to look at it as … is this something I am doing because I believe it or is it something I have picked up along the way from friends, family or other organizations that I have been a part of?

I picked this up from the Millionaire Mind, by T. Harv Eker, where he had talked to millionaires and successful people and he found that successful people had more of an attitude of ‘ready, fire, aim.’ As opposed to non-successful people who are in that ‘ready, ready, ready’, aim, aim, aim and never take a shot’ mindset. This is the parallel I saw in the ‘Do, Be, Have,’ you get ‘ready, fire’ – you gather the information, you get around people that have had success, and it shortens your learning curve, shortens your risk potential.

the-secret_sealIn the ‘Secret’ a lot of people forgot about the ‘Do’ part, taking that action. I don’t know if they were waiting for the magic bullet, or they thought that it was going to show up on its own. Even as much as I am connected to the computer and people are active on the computer, new customers are not going to show up at my front door because I am sitting at my computer. There are still some action steps I need to do to be active, to get results. I really like that … To ‘Do,’ to act as if, to go out and get results and experience. With the experience, you build confidence. With the confidence, you get even bigger and better results.

It is not that optimistic people never fall down again. When successful people fall or they get a result that is less than what is desired, they know they can get back up, readjust and go again. They do not stop the process. It gets easier when you get yourself around people who are optimistic and are looking to move forward, to have the results of what you want.

So, first start with something small and build on those daily successes that will gradually nudge your certainty and confidence. With your faith, with your daily habits, like journaling, meditation, prayer connection, recognizing that source is bringing opportunities to serve the world in a much bigger way, you will build your certainty and confidence.

Read Certainty & Confidence, Part 1.

Also read my blog: The Keys to Developing a Conscious Business, more thoughts on Certainty and Confidence.

If you want to work with Gary to create your own personal successes, write him at gary@garyloper.com.


This article was originally posted in Bellésprit magazine. The magazine content features topics of inspiration, guidance, personal experiences, and spirit messages all leading our diamond in the rough to healing and growing into the best ‘diamond’ we were meant to be. Be sure to subscribe to Bellésprit Magazine, a wealth of information.


Certainty and Confidence, Part 1 updated

Before you can build with certainty and confidence, you need to recognize what your self-perception, self-esteem or even your thoughts are on failure. One of the things that is powerful is to look at how to redefine failure.

For example, in my circumstance, there were things in my personal relationship with my parents that were missing. They were not able to reaffirm and give me what I needed. With everything I tried, I didn’t get the recognition. I sensed it as part of a failure. At the time, I did not realize that they were not able to do it. I needed to
re-write that story. If you really look at failure, it is just a result.

colonel sandersThat is one thing I learned along the way –
it is a result of what we have done. Thomas Edison was a great example. Ten thousand examples of how not to make a light bulb. Colonel Sanders drove around in his car, slept in his car for months, and collected over 1,200 rejections when he was trying to sell his chicken recipe. Or, even if we think about how many attempts a baby tries while learning how to walk before they give up. A failure may just be a way to measure yourself on where you are now, as opposed to where you want to go.

If you look at how many times you apply for a job; or, if you look at an attractive person you are interested in and think you are going to be rejected, you may automatically talk yourself out of it because you do not have that certainty and confidence. For example, in the movie, ‘A Beautiful Mind’ – he had a very interesting dating style. This guy was brilliant, but a few things were not lined up with him – he would ask a woman right off the bat if she would sleep with him. All of his friends were laughing at him because he wasn’t getting dates. The numbers will happen, and he wound up meeting the love of his life. It happened right away.

One of the other lessons I learned was to embrace the chaos that goes along with not getting those immediate results. My biggest lesson I learned over time is to embrace those non-results, because we do not grow in our comfort zone and we need chaos. We need something going on around us. I think many of the people who surround us may think, look at it, and see it as failure. Far too many people have given up on their dreams; or, they have been beaten into submission by programs, institutions, schools, or churches by not being allowed to dream.

So, when you try to see your life differently, and you want to move forward and you run into a result that you need to re-calibrate and the people around you are giving you negative input, how does that make you feel?

All great changes are preceded by chaos Deepak Chopra 2That is a chaotic part of healing. There is a chaotic part of situations going on in our life. If everything was normal and everything was sort of nirvana, then there is not an opportunity to grow. To embrace that we really need to have those contrasts in our lives. For me, the definition of chaos is that in contrast, the results I am currently having have stirred up a reaction in me … “No, this is definitely not where I need to be. And, I am going to do something right now, fast, to be able to move to a different direction.”

I believe emotional issues are really based on low self-esteem. This is another part of how we need to change our conversation. Here is a perfect example: Little kids, especially little girls, like to play dress up. I think it was Carolyn Myss that had mentioned that she was dealing with a woman that when she was 4 or 5 was all dressed up, had the high heels and the hats, the dresses and the makeup, and everything else, and thought that she was just like Mommy – gorgeous. She walks out and Dad says something like you are a ‘tramp.’ That woman’s soul was crushed for 30 – 40 years from one comment. Some people might think that a small comment would not affect the person. But, people are looking for that approval, looking for that connection. This is especially true if you are in that idolization stage, especially for kids, they are modeling you, watching everything. That is something I think we need to do – change our conversation because we could be responsible for building up somebody’s self-esteem as well as being able to take it down. With that, one phrase could take the person down.

I heard another story about a speaker who was loved by his audience, and he got evaluation forms. He got 99 positive responses; he got 1 negative response. Which one carried the most weight on him? The negative one. He focused on one thing, the negative. If you look at 1 out of 99, just think about how you can focus on one comment and tear yourself down. It’s getting back into the conversation and telling ourselves a better story. We cannot overcome an objection that on some level we believe is true. So, we need to look at who we are, the best right now. How do we start developing that certainty? It’s daily confidence building. Give yourself some small wins, and celebrate the small victories. I am a big component in journaling, writing everything down. It’s a celebration of what you have accomplished during that day.

Man-doing-yogaDeveloping daily habits really anchors everything else in your life. I did a presentation on the ‘Richest Man in Babylon.’ One of the premises is that you pay yourself first. So, I started to take it beyond the financial aspect. I am going to pay myself first with everything I get. So, if every day I get 24 hours, I am taking 10% of that, so I can fill up my bucket. Subsequently, I will start my day in a positive way, so it will give me strength to do the things I need to do as far as building my business, coaching people and being able to have a full bucket. For me, what that entails is I spend 15 minutes with our cats listening to Abraham’s Vortex. It is a way to get into that loving energy, and get a clear direction for the day. I practice my yoga, I do at least 30 to 45 minutes, another 20 minutes of meditation, have breakfast and usually watch one of the motivational, inspirational shows I recorded off of Oprah’s network or something inspirational. Consequently, the first appointment of the day is at noon. This is my structure. This is what I need to do to fill my bucket up. I have found by developing that I have reconnected to my sense of faith, and connected with the Universe. I know that there are new opportunities and people that are coming into my life that are a direct result of the meditation, of that connection that I am asking for.

Read Certainty & Confidence, Part 2.


This article was originally posted in Bellésprit magazine. The magazine content features topics of inspiration, guidance, personal experiences, and spirit messages all leading our diamond in the rough to healing and growing into the best ‘diamond’ we were meant to be. Be sure to subscribe to Bellésprit Magazine, a wealth of information.