Years ago I experienced deep emotions, unaware of its impact and weight.
I was absolutely afraid of failure. Deep inside a voice was telling me that I would not be loved if I failed. Growing up I had a strong desire to receive endless
love and support. I never felt I received that support. Because I did not see it,
I continued to feel that I needed to be and do better the next time. Part of the family patterns that surrounded me was rarely displayed, anyone admitting a mistake, even years afterwards – in spite of the results. So, my programming was set, always strive to be the best, but never receiving the rewards. And, even when a mistake or undesired results happened, do not admit it to anyone. Years of trying to get everything lined up to be perfect handcuffed me, until I shifted my mindset.
The old saying of getting your ducks in a row seemed to fit. The trouble is . . . what is the probability of getting ducks in a row? Even if you can, they probably will not stay there for long. So,the cycle continued and nothing was achieved.
Over the years I attended countless motivational, business, and spiritual events that left me charged up on one level, but I would be kicking myself on the inside. I felt that I could have done a better job presenting the material. But, I did not allow myself the opportunity to be visible, put myself out there, for fear that it would not be perfect.
There came a time when the caterpillar could no longer stay as is and struggled to become what it knew itself to be. Finally the butterfly is beautiful and free of the cocoon.
In recent years I have taken opportunities, starting out with small steps, in which I built up my self-confidence and let go of perfectionism. I began to take on bigger challenges and stages.
What lies within you that eats you up? Knowing that if your passion was left unfulfilled, how would it affect the rest of your life?
If you can’t make a mistake, you can’t make anything. ~ Marva Collins